I know you’re a busy man — funding global cabals, destabilizing empires, and apparently cutting checks for every progressive activist in the universe except me — but I’ve come with a business proposal I think you’ll appreciate.

This year’s WordPress writing prompt asked for a crazy business idea.
Well, your girl Terra has one.
And given the week America just had — including an ICE agent killing a citizen and others shooting two immigrants who are still recovering in the hospital — I think you’ll agree it’s time for innovation.

Let me introduce you to my bold, compassionate, absolutely unhinged new venture:

The ICE Reassignment Program™ (IRP)

A workforce development startup for federal agents who should no longer be anywhere near authority.

(And yes, Mr. Soros, in case you’re wondering who on Earth I am, I’m the same woman who wrote to you last year about my missing activist compensation. You didn’t respond, which only confirms what we already know: this is a one-sided parasocial relationship powered entirely by my imagination — the kind every digital-age writer develops when they start addressing billionaires who have no idea they exist. Don’t worry — I’m committed to the bit.)

(If you’re curious, that letter is here: Dear Mr. Soros, About My Missing Check.)

America has a large group of agents who were:

poorly trained
dangerously radicalized
stripped of scientific literacy
denied emotional development
used as tools by a government that doesn’t care whether they—or anyone else—survive the chaos they create

The result?
Agents storming neighborhoods like they’re auditioning for a dystopian spin-off nobody asked for.

But here’s the good news:

Radicalization may dull a person’s critical thinking, empathy, and relationship with science…
but healing doesn’t require any of that at first.

You don’t need a physics degree to learn softness.
You don’t need a lab coat to recognize terrorizing communities is not a personality.
You don’t need credentials to learn presence, steadiness, or integrity.

Ironically — and beautifully —
by simply showing up each day to gentler environments, their nervous systems will begin practicing science again without even knowing it.

Because:

lowered cortisol
activated mirror neurons
improved emotional regulation
genuine human connection
reduced fight-or-flight triggers

…are all biology.
They will become science experiments simply by choosing peace.

THE SOLUTION: A Kinder Career Path

Below is our groundbreaking program designed to transition ICE agents out of violence and into roles where the worst thing they can do is mildly annoy a goat.

1. Cat Café Peacekeeping Unit

Assignments include:

refilling water bowls
scooping litter with dignity
breaking up feline disagreements with loving kindness
attempting small talk with magical creatures who have no interest in badges, bravado, or misplaced authority

For clarity:
Agents are strictly forbidden from interrogating the cats about their “legal standing” in the café.
Every cat is assumed to be a lifelong resident with full sovereign rights — and they will enforce those rights with claws if necessary.

Cats are tiny, stubborn professors of emotional intelligence:

They demand respect.
They punish arrogance with aloofness.
They teach softness through example.
They detect nonsense instantly.

Most importantly:
You cannot dominate a cat. You can only coexist with one.

For many agents, this will be the first time they’ve had to meet another being as an equal.

A cartoon-style illustration of an orange tabby cat with sharp green eyes giving extreme side-eye while sitting on a counter inside a cozy cat café. A steaming coffee cup and small potted plant sit nearby, with shelves of mugs and another cat lounging in the background. A speech bubble above the tabby reads, “Listen... I don’t want them here either. But here we are.” — ***Cat diplomacy: the hardest assignment of the entire program.***

2. Elder Companion Corps

Some agents weren’t born cruel — they were trained into hardness, fed propaganda, and convinced that control equals competence.

The antidote?

Human connection:

reading to nursing home residents
listening without rushing
playing cards
practicing reflective empathy
hearing stories from people who have lived far more life than they ever will

Elders will teach them the essential line:

“You are not a weapon.
You are a human.
Act like one.”

This may be their first moment of real emotional education.

A digital, hand-drawn illustration of two elderly people sitting together in a nursing home lounge, smiling warmly as they play cards. The woman wears glasses and holds her hand of cards with confidence, while the man sits beside her with a gentle grin and a cup of coffee on the table. A speech bubble above them reads, “Let the cats be dramatic. We’ve been de-escalating nonsense since before cat cafés were even invented.” Below the table, a caption says, “Your elders know a thing or two. Take notes.” — ***Phase Two: Let the elders teach what the cats cannot.***

3. Inflatable-Wavy-Arm Guy Maintenance Team

For agents who aren’t “peoply.”

Not everyone should interact with the public — and that’s okay.
Some people flourish among inflatable joy tubes.

Tasks include:

plugging in inflatable wavy guys
hauling noodle-limbed ambassadors of happiness
repairing tears
creating movement and delight in public spaces

Wavy arm guys teach presence without pressure.
Joy without intimidation.
Movement without aggression.

A colorful cartoon-style illustration of inflatable wavy-arm tube figures flailing joyfully in a sunny parking lot. A rainbow-colored tube man stands in the foreground with two others—one red and one blue—dancing in the background near parked cars and a small green-roofed building. A speech bubble above the main figure reads, “The program only gets weirder from here.” — ***Phase Three: Emotional support through chaotic flailing.***

4. School Zone Safety Stewards

Here is where we redirect their protective instinct into something healthy.

Agents will:

hold SLOW DOWN signs
wave politely
offer warm smiles to drivers
reduce speed, risk, and community tension

And here is where science returns, quietly and beautifully:

Smiling Is Biology, Not Fluff

A smile activates:

dopamine
serotonin
endorphins

It lowers cortisol.
It signals non-aggression.
It builds micro-moments of social trust.
It repairs small fractures in communities devastated by fear.

Science survives radicalization.
It just waits for its moment to come back.

And in this role, it does.

A cheerful crossing guard stands on a sunny suburban sidewalk in front of a pastel-colored school zone. He waves with one hand and holds a “COMMUNITY FIRST” sign with the other. A bright safety vest with the words “Have a nice day!” is visible on his back. Beside him, a yellow square school-zone sign with a smiling face sits atop a pole, and a speech bubble above the sign reads, “Let’s keep the energy low and the smiles high, okay?” In the softly blurred background, parents and children walk near the school building under a bright blue sky with fluffy clouds. — ***Community doesn’t survive on slogans.***
***It survives on people who show up with steady hands.***

PREMIUM REMEDIATION PACKAGE™

For agents needing deeper emotional repair and fewer stimulation triggers.

1. Goat Therapy Brushing Squad

Agents learn:

softness
nurturing touch
accountability (goats do not like jerks)
the difference between authority and presence
that goats do not respect badges

They may also attend Goat Yoga as silent assistants.
Silent.
No voices.
Just breathing.

A goat will correct your energy faster than any supervisor ever could.

A soft, painterly cartoon illustration shows a gentle therapy goat standing in the foreground of a peaceful yoga-style farm. The goat faces the viewer with a calm, slightly amused expression, wearing a collar tag that says “Breathe.” Above its head, a speech bubble reads, “We’ve helped lawyers, nurses, and three people who needed to retire ten years ago. You’ll be fine.” — ***Step one: stop trying to control everything. Just breathe.***

2. Leaf-Raking for Democracy & Snow-Shoveling for Civic Renewal

These are the tasks that rebuild character:

clearing community walkways
raking leaves in public parks
shoveling for elderly residents
serving without intimidation
reflecting on why they once mistook force for purpose

This is service as it should be — grounded, humble, human.

A split-panel cartoon illustration shows two seasonal community scenes in a soft, painterly style.
On the left, an older man rakes autumn leaves in a golden park, smiling gently at the viewer. A speech bubble above him says, “Democracy works a lot like this, actually. Everyone has to pitch in or the mess piles up.” A wooden sign reads “Leaf-Raking for Democracy,” and blurred figures rake in the background.
On the right, a young man in a red coat and blue hat shovels snow in a quiet neighborhood. His speech bubble reads, “Civic renewal? No promises. But I can at least make a path.” A wooden sign below him reads “Snow-Shoveling for Civic Renewal,” with pastel silhouettes clearing snow behind him. — ***Seasons change. Responsibilities don’t.***

3. Restorative-Justice Snow Cone Units

Agents distribute snow cones at parks and community events with:

genuine smiles
gentle words
bright colors
zero potential for harm

If their smile doesn’t reach their eyes,
they return to the goats.

Goats fix everything.

A soft, painterly cartoon illustration shows a bundled-up community worker standing in the snow, offering a bright red cherry snow cone to the viewer. The worker smiles warmly beneath a blue knit hat, and a speech bubble above them reads, “Restorative justice tastes better when it’s cherry-flavored.” Behind them, a pale yellow canopy labeled “Cooling-Off Station — Restorative-Justice Snow Cone Unit” shelters a small snow cone machine and supplies. Faceless pastel silhouettes stand or sit nearby, each holding a snow cone and appearing calm and reflective. Snow-covered trees and quiet buildings fade softly into the background, giving the scene a gentle, comforting winter atmosphere. — Cooling down is part of the process.
The syrup is optional.

Mr. Soros… Will You Fund This?

Given your reputation, you might as well invest in something that actually makes America safer.

This program:

reduces violence
restores humanity
supports communities
helps agents heal
protects immigrants and citizens
costs far less than the damage ICE is currently doing

And best of all:
It returns science, empathy, and basic decency to a workforce that desperately needs all three.

Just imagine the headline:

“Soros Funds Nationwide Compassion Initiative — ICE Agents Now Brushing Goats.”

America would sleep better instantly.

Yours in solidarity, satire, and stubborn hope,
Terra Turner
Founder, ICE Reassignment Program™
Independent Agent of Common Sense, Unaffiliated Division

Leatest Posts

Cerasina, CherryCoBiz

When a Chart Feels Like a Locked Room

The Constructed Self: On Astrology, Accountability, and the “Hallway of.....

Added By Terra Turner

CherryCoBiz, Reverb

Epstein, Israel, and the Architecture of Elite Protection

A Reverb reflection on abuse, power, and the kind of.....

Added By Terra Turner

Daily writing prompt

Dear 100-Year-Old Me,

If you are reading this, then what a miracle. What.....

Added By Terra Turner

Civicus, Reverb

The Constitution Already Settled This — So What Are We Doing Here?

There is something almost insulting about watching anti-Sharia fearmongering get.....

Added By Terra Turner

A Satirical Business Proposal to Fix ICE

Content Note:

The ICE Reassignment Program™: A Modest Proposal for Mr. Soros

Because America’s most heavy-handed agents deserve a gentler calling — and our communities deserve safety, not fear.