When asked who the most famous or infamous person I’ve ever met is, I realized I’ve never met George Soros — though if the internet is to be believed, we might as well share an HR department.

Dear Mr. Soros,

I’m writing to you today because, frankly, I’m getting a little concerned about my annual activist compensation. I hope this letter finds you well — or at least not too busy funding the global cabal I apparently work for.

I’ve been fighting the good fight out here, but my checks seem to be… delayed. Maybe my direct deposit was flagged by the Deep State IRS? Perhaps the payment was intercepted by the same folks who think wind turbines cause cancer and are now convinced my stipend is funding a local Antifa cell.

Either way, it seemed time to follow up. I’ve been putting in the hours — correcting misinformation, defending science, advocating for voter rights, and even disabling my entire Facebook account for the cause. That’s gotta count for something, right? If we’re getting paid per argument avoided, I’m practically owed a medal.

Now, I’ve searched everywhere for your payroll department. I tried “Open Society HR,” “Soros Direct Deposit Portal,” even “Progressive Activist Pay Stub Lookup.” Nothing. Just pages and pages of fact-checks insisting you don’t actually pay people like me to care about democracy. Which, frankly, felt a little passive-aggressive.

I don’t mean to sound impatient, but the bills are piling up, and I’m out here defending the republic on a budget. My Open Society–branded tote bag hasn’t arrived either — though to be fair, I probably earned that one just by registering to vote and spelling Ukraine correctly online.

— All jokes aside, Mr. Soros, I think we both know what this really is: projection. The idea that ordinary people like me must be on someone’s payroll to stand up for decency says more about those making the accusation than about us. Maybe it’s easier for them to believe there’s a billionaire bankrolling compassion than to face the truth — that empathy still exists, freely, stubbornly, unpaid.

So, I’ll keep at it — no check required. My platform is small, my reach humble, but my conviction is mine. And if democracy were a paid gig, I’d still clock in for the love of it.

That said, if there is a reimbursement form for emotional exhaustion and online comment-section trauma, or maybe a simple Form 1099-C (Conviction), please let me know. I hear the write-offs are excellent.

Yours in solidarity (and mild financial confusion),

Terra Turner
Independent Agent of Common Sense — Unaffiliated Division